Its not my fault i always sound depressed. Im sure everyone has those days when they feel as if the world has pulled them down. Family, what is a family? Do i even have one? Have i ever? This isnt the first time that i've felt this way. i remember feeling like this when i was a kid. It was when my mum and grandma has a stupid argument. It cause them two to not talk for ten years. Up until last November, my brothers wedding, it had brought my so called family back together and mum and grandma started to talk again. Its a good thing though, but when theres something good that happens, theres always something that will go wrong.

Why is it that when youre the most happy when everyone has all this shit thrown at them? Why is it that I cannot do anything about it besides be there for them? Why is it that i cannot do anything about my own situation? Why is it that i ask questions that i know the answer to?

I may say that I can never seem to see myself happy, its true. I may look happy when i'm at school being around others and all. But when I'm alone and at home, thats the time that I feel as if what i really am has come out, but i guess that most of you out there feels the same way when youre alone.

Being alone is what i seem to be doing most of my days. In this house there were five of us. There was a family. But when i started highschool, it all came crashing down and it started to break. I didnt  know why it was all happening. I had thought that we were happy living together. But i had always been wrong. There was no longer love between my mum and dad. Actually, there was no love from my dad to my mum. That i could see when they talk, feel when they're apart.

Mum on the other hand, i can still see that she has some love for my dad. She holds on to someone who had cheated on her so many times. She holds on to someone who has left her alone. Why is it that i'm the only one who admits my feelings and let it out. Shes too stubborn to see how she feels and actually do it. Her stubbornness is the reason as to why my brother moved out after he got married.

My sister in-law and mum is the same. They both are stubborn and will not get along. The same with my mum and grandma. But really is that a valid reason to move out and never come home? I think not. In order for me to have a family, even if the family members dont get along, you stay and work things out. Thats what a family is. You have ups and downs, you go through it together. You dont run away from it. I surly dont, i stand my ground and fight for whats right, what i think is true. But my family, relatives, all they do is run and ignore the fact that something is wrong. Stupid stubborn people!

I havent said much about my sister have i? Well, ever since we were kids, she was always the one to pick on me. Every time i got bullied, i sat in a corner and brawled my eyes out. I never could said anything to fight for myself. Now look at me, i fight back the second someone says something. The relationship i have with my sister wasnt really good ever since we were kids. But when she Turned 18, it all went away. After she turned 18, we talk more and we understand each other. We look out for each other and sort of love each other. As corny as it may sound, its true. We all love our parents and siblings, we just dont admit it because we dont have to.

But ever since about less than a month ago, she found herself happiness, yes a boyfriend. He's pretty cool, hes not like those a**holes that you see. Although i only met him once and we didnt talk, but with how my sister tells me about him, he's pretty cool and caring and will be there. But nothing lasts. So ever since she found happiness, she's always out and we hardly talk much. I know this is part of growing up but at least know your limits. And at least know what you left behind when you walk out that door to go out.

Im lucky to come out to the world last out of my siblings. I get to see the good and bad side of it and i learn from their mistakes or choices. I try and not do what they do to and be there for mum. Mum really does get pissed off easily, like me but her anger stays for awhile as for me it goes away after few minutes. Mum works hard for the three of us and she gets tired easily. So maybe i should do what she tells me to do and not complain. I want to help her as much as i can before i too will grow up in my own way.

I shall do my best ;D, Minniie