When people ask “did you just do that?” I say “do what?” the thing is, why would I want people to know what I can do? its mine and I don’t want people to judge me and be afraid of me anymore then they already are.
When they ask that question I think back to the beginning when I realised I was different. Up until nine years old I was always told what to do and my choices were made for me. yeah I was a kid and that’s how its supposed to be but who says? Who said I couldn’t speak up and tell them what I was really thinking?
I didn’t want them to be living my life. I didn’t want them telling me what to do and I definitely didn’t want them making choices for me when I wouldn’t even go near the choices that were laid out for me.
That’s why I now live alone, the only person who sincerely cares for me is always looking at me as if they’re waiting for a truck to be running at me so they can push me out of the way. Even they can’t tell me what to do because they know better. They know why I chose the life I am now living, and as long as I have them around, I’m happy. The people who had lived my life for me, lets just say I havent seen of heard from them in god knows how long. Why would i? I don’t want to.
This thing I have, would you really call it a gift? Towards others, is it real or are they seeing things? Only I can tell them, but why would I? why would I let them know what I have? So they can find holes and use myself against me? fuck no. go find your own weapon.
D had always told me to never give up trying. Ever since I ran into him, literally, he pulled me up on my feet and asked what was wrong. I couldn’t tell him, I didn’t know how. I just found out what I had and I didn’t know how to explain it. up until now ten years, he still doesn’t have a clue as to what it is that had caused us to live the way we do. he works on cars, I wait tables at a café his friend owns. Anybody who tries and lay a hand on me will be sent across the room, either by me or D.
I hated it when D always did my dirty work for me. he knew I liked using what I had and so he didn’t want to have me use it all the time so he steps in. in a way its like living my life but he’s only doing it for my own good. What I have, I guess you can call it strength, strength that pushes others away and throws people across the room. Go figure, you’ll never get it so give up now.
So the reason as to why D is alone, I too never found out why. I guess its better living like how we are. Soon we’ll find out, we know each other pretty well. D hates it when I finish the car though. But I only do it when it steps in my life.
At least I get to drive. Stay off the road.
