It's been so long I know... its just that I've been writing on paper more so than blogs. Where do i even start...in the past three months so much has occured. one i could not do anything to stop and another that i had every control over.
Life and death comes and goes as soon as you blink, theres no stopping it... even now i cannot accept the fact that she's gone. Her presence still lingers around but everytime that i go to her house, grandpa is still there but he's getting old and his memory is slowing fading as we speak. i still look around for grandma but i know that shes gone. but i still cant help but look around for her. she left so many people behind, everyone was so used to having her around and she will be missed greatly. it still hasnt hit me yet but when it doesn i will break down to the ground where nothing can get me back up.
Thats the person that i am, i say that i can never get up but i know for a fact that im one of the strongest person i know. up until this point in life ive been stupid. ive made stupid mistakes that hurt those who have been innocent around me and it eats me up inside knowing that i did such thing.
I wish i hadnt ended things with Jimmy that day. I wish i hadnt chosen the home wrecker over what i already had. i was stupid and now, its going to be hard to get everyones trust back. those who are close to be doubt me, even my family doubt me with how Jimmy and I are back together. He's the only person that i had tried to stay with. the things i did to get him back...youd call me a stalker but when you love someone and want to be with them then you'd go to that kind of extent.
When you find that certain someone never let them go. I did that stupidly and only then I had realised that i had lost everything. So in persuit to get it back i ran after him one night but didnt catch him, every night for a whole week i cried over what we had because there was no such thing of it during those nights. few nights i had waited at his house but he never showed, one night he did but then i panicked and ran.
The following wednesday i pulled all the courage i had and spoke to him. i didnt know how to start it even though i had repeated it over and over to myself. but then after a short while i managed to tell him. i told him how i had missed him, i had missed what we had and how we were. that i had missed us. everytime you have him in your arm, everytime that youre in his, its one of the best comfort feelings in the world.
when you're in love, for a guy it shows in his eyes, for a girl it shows in her smile.
this time round im holding on, i will not be letting anyone come in between us. any thing like that occuring they're asking for a kick in the nuts. im dead set sure that Jimmy is the only person i want to be with. yeah we're young but when you find that speacial someone youll know what i'm talking about.
i see it with my best friend and her boy friend. at some stages everytime i look at them it makes my relationship feel like shit. im not comparing relationships but its a good feeling to see others be in love. same with my sister and her boyfriend. they're the two main relations that i get to see love occur because i never got to see it from my parents.
Oh and today during taekwon-do we were practicing our self defence and i dropped Jimmy pretty hard...
Just thought I put it out there for a laugh. I love him and nothing else matters.
Yours Alice ~
