Drunk dial

Once upon a time, there lived the two most perfect couple. This was perfect because they didn’t know, how much they were meant to be together. It took a few years for them to see what they needed. And it was each other. Both of them did horrid things but then in the end they couldn’t help them selves, they still found a way to speak to one another. Every time she missed him, she went looking but never found him. He was always out and she was always in. they never crossed paths, they never met the real us.

After what happened, he said that you shouldn’t rush into things. But how can you wait when they’re right in front of you? How can you not just run up to them and wrap your arms tightly around them? From the point of view from the bunny I patted today, the two should really give it a chance and a chance to make it work.

I guess they both rushed into things. Never really spoke about it clearly and seriously.

Give us a chance, if it doesn’t work out in the end then fine but at least we know that we gave it shot. If you say that we did then you’re either stupid or in denial, second one sounds more suitable. What happened in the past weren’t chances, they were stupid choices and mistakes. Giving chances meaning taking the chance and giving it all you got. After all what’s life without going for the leap?

Some say he doesn’t care about her, but clearly she still does. Why can’t the two just cross paths, meet at a certain turn and just stare at each other and smile, talk and give it ago. If only one of them would drunk dial the other. So much easier, at least something starts.

From what I see the two can only be themselves around each other. Right now none of them are themselves. Mainly because she’s not in the right environment and is not surrounded by the people she loves and because he had nothing better to do then go out every weekend to drink. They need each other for life to be fine. But they can’t just simply start as if nothing ever happened…She probably needs him more then he cares about her…She just doesn’t give up…She wants to be with him and actually have him trust her. They want to trust each other as well as themselves. Because every time they put their trust in the other, that other shows them why they shouldn’t have trusted them.

It's 2.30 in the morning, I should hit the ZZz'z Goodnight my perfect couple.

DnM

When people ask “did you just do that?” I say “do what?” the thing is, why would I want people to know what I can do? its mine and I don’t want people to judge me and be afraid of me anymore then they already are.

When they ask that question I think back to the beginning when I realised I was different. Up until nine years old I was always told what to do and my choices were made for me. yeah I was a kid and that’s how its supposed to be but who says? Who said I couldn’t speak up and tell them what I was really thinking?

I didn’t want them to be living my life. I didn’t want them telling me what to do and I definitely didn’t want them making choices for me when I wouldn’t even go near the choices that were laid out for me.

That’s why I now live alone, the only person who sincerely cares for me is always looking at me as if they’re waiting for a truck to be running at me so they can push me out of the way. Even they can’t tell me what to do because they know better. They know why I chose the life I am now living, and as long as I have them around, I’m happy. The people who had lived my life for me, lets just say I havent seen of heard from them in god knows how long. Why would i? I don’t want to.

This thing I have, would you really call it a gift? Towards others, is it real or are they seeing things? Only I can tell them, but why would I? why would I let them know what I have? So they can find holes and use myself against me? fuck no. go find your own weapon.

D had always told me to never give up trying. Ever since I ran into him, literally, he pulled me up on my feet and asked what was wrong. I couldn’t tell him, I didn’t know how. I just found out what I had and I didn’t know how to explain it. up until now ten years, he still doesn’t have a clue as to what it is that had caused us to live the way we do. he works on cars, I wait tables at a café his friend owns. Anybody who tries and lay a hand on me will be sent across the room, either by me or D.

I hated it when D always did my dirty work for me. he knew I liked using what I had and so he didn’t want to have me use it all the time so he steps in. in a way its like living my life but he’s only doing it for my own good. What I have, I guess you can call it strength, strength that pushes others away and throws people across the room. Go figure, you’ll never get it so give up now.

So the reason as to why D is alone, I too never found out why. I guess its better living like how we are. Soon we’ll find out, we know each other pretty well. D hates it when I finish the car though. But I only do it when it steps in my life.

At least I get to drive. Stay off the road.

JUST DROP A HORSE...

Wrong or Right Call?

I’ve been writing a short story, it hasn’t been finished but it starts off with me telling the readers as to how one wrong call had changed the main character’s life.

The point is, one call can change a lot. Sometimes for the best, some for the worst. It depends on what the caller says. In the story’s situation, it changed for the worst.

Mia, the main character, doesn’t regret picking up that phone call even though the number was unknown to her. She was bored I guess.

If you understand what this means then give it a go. Eric, the guy who had caught her eye in a bad way told her he was sorry for ruining her car, he just had to be her driver until her car got fixed which meant they spent a lot of time together. Not in that way. Running and scream more so.

It’s just when you heard the sound of your phone, you run to it. When you see the caller ID, you contemplate on whether to answer or not. Well for me if I hate someone then I’d pick up and give them shit right there and then without saying hello. If not it’ll be the traditional “hello” or “what’s up?”

As for Mia, she had always answered Eric’s calls with “What the hell do you want?!” they argued a lot, but hey, you fight with the one you care for.

Yeah right, it’s all bullshit.

It’s like saying its good luck to get shitted on by a bird. The one who made that up was so that they could feel better about the fact that they got shit on them.

Well got work tmr, well for almost the whole week. Only got two days off which I’m gonna spend with the family or buying stuff for school. T___________T

Hey Mi-Space!

What would you say if I said that I didn’t want to remember? What if I just wanted to forget that it all had never happened? Will I feel better then? Because I would know that I went through that certain time without having to feel such horrid emotions?

Oh well, at least I’m around people now, that’s a plus ever since I last wrote or thought. I’m working now and the place I work, it’s great and I love it there. The people make me roll on the floor with laughter and I just can’t get enough of them. At least I fit in, unlike some place that’s filled with you know what.

They have a nick name for me, Mi-Space, pronounced Myspace, duh. Any who, it makes it all worth while because I actually learn and have fun. It feels as if it’s been ages since I interacted with people who laugh and has a sense of humour, some of the people that I was always around with has no sense of humour and are slightly anti social. Can’t blame them for who they are.

But its so good to be out of the house and with people, new people that I fit in with and laugh with, this is awesome. So called life has just begun.

Oh and my fish Cookie died. I said if Pudding lived through the night then I’ll change the water tmr hahah.

May's still awake

I'm up at four thirty in the morning and my eyes are wide awake. after the day that i had, i should be dead tired but im just not.
i have a problem and i claim its because i havent been around people much. it could be different but i dont know what the real reason is.
im insane and its pretty bad. i feel as if im developing something thats not even close to but it feels as if i am. i just need a friend to talk to, go out with, be distracted by. being alone seriously kills me. all i need is a stranger i can talk to.
it would actually be nice to talk to someone i dont know because then ill feel as if im normal and that i have no problems what so ever.

theres always someone i can run to, but i think i kicked that person out of my life for a reason. a reason which i forgot, a reason which i think is stupid or is it? like i said, i dont know. if you must know, i dont hate that person. the only thing i hate was that i couldnt leave this place so i too can forget and relax.

well my 18th birthday is in a few days, i should be happy. but im never in a good mood when my birthday is near...dont know why either.  i guess the effects of one thing lasts a life time.

i should turn in, at least fake that im asleep. mum will be up soon.

Dearest May

Some times most things end up relating to each other don’t they? Many times I have asked myself why, why do certain things happen where others don’t? Many things, at first you don’t quite understand but soon after, depending on how one thinks, you understand it fully and will be able to find ways out of bad situations.

Most of the time, I like to be left alone so I can have some peace and quiet. When it actually happens I look around and feel unsafe as if something is going to happen to me. Being alone would probably be the last thing I would need right now. In this moment in time, I need to be around people and I don’t care what it takes to be around people, I don’t need to be alone.

I haven’t written in awhile and I’m scared I’ll never turn back to writing. I had always enjoyed writing, putting fantasy ideas out there on paper and hope that one day it will become reality. At the end of every passage when I put down my pen I tell myself that everything that I write is only wishful thinking. That there is no way on this earth that the things in my mind would ever come true.

The things I write is mainly about the things that happen in normal lives but there are also certain parts where you’d think, ‘there is no way that these things would ever happen to me!’ You’ll never know because this world, you can only rely on chance, coincidence, fate and destiny. I don’t really believe in fate and destiny. I guess you could say I’m not a very big believer after everything that I’ve been through. I don’t believe in love, I don’t believe in fate, I don’t believe in destiny and I sure as hell don’t believe in forever.

I’m not quite sure really, it’s probably a mind over matter thing with what I believe in and what I don’t. I want to believe in these things because that’s what I look for in life, but since I haven’t found it and I’ve been left alone for far too long, I guess it grows and allows you to just not believe.

I actually would love to write about my roads, my adventures in looking for romance and happiness. Every chapter that I go through, I always see the end of it arriving, I see that it does not have a happy ending. My last chapter, it was a very short chapter filled with my thoughts and emotions. In the end there was a scene. The scene was of the one casual night like any other where a few friends get together for a movie and pizza night. Like in any story something occurs which is the peak of the story. After the peak, it breaks. The breaking point can break into many roads. This broke into silence and questioning of one’s mind. The next passage is again filled with my thoughts and emotions. I was so sure that I was going to find what it was that I was looking for. I was definite that this was going to be the end of my story, the part where I finally believe in all those things. But who new that it was only a test, you gave me the wrong idea and you didn’t say anything. At that point in the chapter I new that this wasn’t the end of the story, it was only the end of another chapter that had a tragic ending, like the rest of the chapters I have wrote.

So a new chapter begins but right now, it is only filled with my thoughts and emotions. There is no scene and there is no action, there is only me talking.

Stupid New Year

One year goes by and another one comes. How good that new year is, no one knows until it is over. But no matter how good a year is, there are things that you cannot change even though deep down you wished it had never happened.
I guess i cant blame anyone for the things that happened, i cant even blame myself because whats the use. But you i never said i couldnt hate them, for everything and everyone who had made me shed a tear, to me, you're dead. That's why i deleted you from my world by pressing the delete button i have here. And you know what? It works, i dont think of you and i dont get mad anymore.
With what had made me cry most is probably something i can never get rid of. This thing, i say i can live without it but the truth is, no one can ever live without it. Its like living without air, it just cant be done.

Right now, I seriously give up. I give up on anything that requires much effort. This game we play to survive, yeah, i give up on that too. No matter how hard i try, it never works out. No matter how many chances i take, in the end, i'm back to square one. No matter how many chances i give, no one takes them and when i dont give chances and dont want to be part of this shit, someone comes into my life and stirs things up.
Can i seriously not get one stinky month alone? I dont want to be alone, no thats not what i want. I want to be left alone. There's a difference, find it.

This brand new year where there will be heaps of new experiences, lets see whether or not it will be a good year or not. I also given up on finding a job, something i fucking need but cant fucking get. For fuck sake!