Some times most things end up relating to each other don’t they? Many times I have asked myself why, why do certain things happen where others don’t? Many things, at first you don’t quite understand but soon after, depending on how one thinks, you understand it fully and will be able to find ways out of bad situations.
Most of the time, I like to be left alone so I can have some peace and quiet. When it actually happens I look around and feel unsafe as if something is going to happen to me. Being alone would probably be the last thing I would need right now. In this moment in time, I need to be around people and I don’t care what it takes to be around people, I don’t need to be alone.
I haven’t written in awhile and I’m scared I’ll never turn back to writing. I had always enjoyed writing, putting fantasy ideas out there on paper and hope that one day it will become reality. At the end of every passage when I put down my pen I tell myself that everything that I write is only wishful thinking. That there is no way on this earth that the things in my mind would ever come true.
The things I write is mainly about the things that happen in normal lives but there are also certain parts where you’d think, ‘there is no way that these things would ever happen to me!’ You’ll never know because this world, you can only rely on chance, coincidence, fate and destiny. I don’t really believe in fate and destiny. I guess you could say I’m not a very big believer after everything that I’ve been through. I don’t believe in love, I don’t believe in fate, I don’t believe in destiny and I sure as hell don’t believe in forever.
I’m not quite sure really, it’s probably a mind over matter thing with what I believe in and what I don’t. I want to believe in these things because that’s what I look for in life, but since I haven’t found it and I’ve been left alone for far too long, I guess it grows and allows you to just not believe.
I actually would love to write about my roads, my adventures in looking for romance and happiness. Every chapter that I go through, I always see the end of it arriving, I see that it does not have a happy ending. My last chapter, it was a very short chapter filled with my thoughts and emotions. In the end there was a scene. The scene was of the one casual night like any other where a few friends get together for a movie and pizza night. Like in any story something occurs which is the peak of the story. After the peak, it breaks. The breaking point can break into many roads. This broke into silence and questioning of one’s mind. The next passage is again filled with my thoughts and emotions. I was so sure that I was going to find what it was that I was looking for. I was definite that this was going to be the end of my story, the part where I finally believe in all those things. But who new that it was only a test, you gave me the wrong idea and you didn’t say anything. At that point in the chapter I new that this wasn’t the end of the story, it was only the end of another chapter that had a tragic ending, like the rest of the chapters I have wrote.
So a new chapter begins but right now, it is only filled with my thoughts and emotions. There is no scene and there is no action, there is only me talking.
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