How do you see the world? Is it round? Is it flat? Is it what it is now because of us? Its not the way we want it to be that's for sure. Some say we are born free but everywhere we go is in chains. What does it mean by this quote? Is there really that many consequences no matter what we do in life? The choices we make there are always good and bad outcomes. See how gay, unfair and lame this is?
Do you ever wish for something even when you know that wishes are fake, that they are all lies? If we know this, why do we still do it? Is it the hope that it gives us, is hope the power to live on and not give up? Hope, what a stupid and useless word. Hope is what we have inside us, we hope for way too much. When all else fails, we have nothing but hope. We hope for things to occur once again. We hope that we too will get our happiness like others. In the end, it is hope that pulls us down because we had too much of it.
True happiness is what i look for in life. but i have never found it nor have i felt it. if i did then i wouldnt feel like the way i do now. couple months back i was happy, i was happy because of someone, someone who didnt care, didnt notice. so why was i so happy for? why was i happy with someone who didnt give a shit? thats why i gave up on trying to look for that true happiness and yet i complain about how im so happy for others because they found their happiness and yet i can never be happy for myself. I guess there is only one to blame. you could say me but ill shove that blame in a trash bag filled with all the shit ive been through because of that one person and throw it right in their face. all i will do is stand there and watch when that person realise what it was that they have put me through. i'm not a doll, im not a toy, im not your rebound. once i realised that i was used and toyed with, i stopped. i tried my best but from what i see, i didnt try hard enough.
i guess thats why some of you readers out there dont do the things that ive done. i dont know why you choose to do such thing but i guess you have your own reasons. "You'll never know until you try" i told myself. thats the thing, its true that you will never know until you try but when you do, you get hurt and you dont want to get up and fix things. ive tried so many times but nothing ever occurred.
Now that very same person is trying to get rid of me out of their life. why bother? why bother when all you ever did was ignore the fact that so much has happened between us? you want to know what they're doing? first they didnt come to a gathering, second they dont give you an explanation, third they tell you that they have feelings for someone else, fifth they replace you in a project that i was so looking forward to and now they want to get rid of the things that belong to me AFUCKINGSAP!
I cant believe i have wasted so much time, effort, emotions, hope and care on that one stupid person which was in the wrong place at the bloody wrong time.
And now when i meet someone new who is totally nothing like me with the way we think, i use them as a distraction which is something i DO NOT WANT. i dont want to be like that other person who uses people for their own benefit. i dont want that.
Even though some people interest you, it doesnt mean that you like them. (Refer to my other blog)
Lets just take things slow. get to know each other, talk, be friends and nothing more because being more fucks everything up. having friends are better anyway, you dont need to rely on them and you also wont be disappointed as much if they do something wrong or dont show up.
So for all my readers out there, do you think that i really am an idiot? am i foolish?
you go girl, show him who's boss! D: I dont think you're an idiot, i think HE is the foolish one for not realising what he's lost. You'll see, in the end it'll come back to him. Karma baby (:
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