This is who I am

When you walk around parks, shopping centres anywhere with people really, you see couples. some makes you want to throw up in your nose some makes you awe and some makes you wonder will you ever be that happy? Today is my best friend's three months with her boyfriend. Who would guess that they would meet again, talk again and be together again? I'm happy for her, for the both of them although my actions don't show it, inside i really do feel happy for them.

I always ask myself when will i find my own happiness? I see it all around me and its making me feel alone. my best friend has her happiness, so does my sister who is now always out with her boyfriend and friends. friends in school is coming together and is forming another relation. you'd never thought they would but when you actually see it, you re stunned.

Not many of you out there know me. i guess the only person who really knows me is my best friend, lindah. even when i sometimes claim that she doesn't know me at all, she knows me better then i know myself. its hard to define what kind of person you are because you're afraid of what you might pick out. normally everyone would pick out the bad things about them selves. that's what i do and its not a good way to see yourself. i have many good aspects and they re fun to deal with. as for my bad side, I'm sure few people can stand to be in the same room as me.

So why is it that everyone is missing out on all the good things about me? Come on guys, i may be small but i got the whole package and im the real deal. i dont play around, im serious with my feelings just dont take my insults too seriously cause thats how i show my love. i know i may be scary when you first meet me but like in the earlier post, thats how i is. im not a smart girl but im not lazy. i only do things that i like and when its my choice to do so. i hate being told what to do and i hate having people do my work or if you want dirty work. i dont tell people to do things for me cause i like them to be done right. there fore i do it and if i fail i have no one to blame but myself.
I know that i PMS alot, but thats because people dont understand and they dont listen. im a listener as well as a talker. i listen to peoples problems so why cant others listen to me when i want the room to be dead silent? thats the reason as to why i rage and i sometimes rage to make noise. i hate it when its silent when im all happy. it really brings down my mood.
I may hit you alot with all the punching, kicking, slapping and yelling. but thats just how i am. im sorry if im not gentle like other girls but this is my way of showing affection. thats the way towards friends.
i can be really affectionate at times especially to those who mean something to me, and that they mean alot. i give out this comfortable feeling when im around, its never awkward when youre with me because it will only be awkward if you make it awkward. and i am not the one for awkward moments.
I make those around me smile as i am happy. happiness is the main thing i look for in life. happiness makes the world go round. i myself go in circles because i tend i confuse myself with the most simplest things. i can be a lost case at times but i eventually understand. i understand people for one, but in order for that to happen, you need to tell me what it is that is bothering you.
Dont tell me to mind my own business when clearly you mean something to me. i care for my friends, i care for my family, i care for those who are there for me when im in trouble. i want to be there for you all the way even if i cant do much. theres many things i would do for you. if only you take the time and the chance for me. just give me a chance and i will do the same for you. i know it takes time even if im not a patient person, if its finding happiness then im willing to wait. i dont give up that easily, i hang on and i hope. it can be a bad thing because ive been disappointed so many times even when i do i still hope for the best.
Its times like this, end of year twelve, that you start to think and understand the things around you.
i know that if i just go out there and give things a try, i know i will be able to find what it is that im looking for. my own happiness. i can last long because i really do hold on to what it is that i want and believe in. i know this may sound corny and you may want to run away, but that tells me couple things about you, youre not committed, youre afraid, youre not the real deal so get the hell away from me if youre playing around.
Ive come across guys like you and ive seen things. youre just a bunch of dogs who tell girls that you like/love them just for your own entertainment. youre the kind of guys that make me want to give you a good couple of kicks in the nuts.

So choosing to be my friend or more then that will defiantly change your world as it would change mine. i still dont believe in love because i have not yet experienced it. no one has really looked through me and see what it is that i really am. but this is who i am, it takes times. and for those who has taken their time, i thank you, especially my best friend.
you say i love you
i say tsk but thats my way of showing love
love you heaps ;D

pick me up if you dare ;D