I'm terribly sorry for everything I did

I know that I’m probably the last person that you would want to hear from but there are few things that I want you to know.

I didn’t know whether or not I should’ve called you or go see you in person because I wasn’t sure if you were going to take my calls or agree to seeing me so that’s why I’m writing you this even if you don’t read it.

I’ve been such an idiot ever since the first time I said no to you. Two years ago I was a child and now two years later I’m still the same person but the child in me is replaced with over thinking if that makes sense.

Two years ago I’ve hurt you about three times, maybe more. After that I had said hurtful things because I wanted you to leave me alone. I yelled at you when you texted me in the morning because you couldn’t help yourself. I ignored you when we were in the same school.

Two years later we talk again and it’s different. We meet up to go out and it was indeed very different. But even though it was different, I was still the stupid girl who had over thought about things. When you asked what I was thinking about, I said what it was that I told you. I didn’t think that you’d take it as if I wanted to start over.

I did think of starting over because you were probably the only one who’s the real deal. I did think that, but I wasn’t so sure if that was what I wanted. We rushed into things and its hard to start over and say let’s take it slow. I guess it could’ve worked out if I took the time to get settled. But being me, I over thought things and ended up hurting you once more.

For what I did in April I’m terribly sorry because I had let some idiot get in my mind not that we had anything going on between the two of us. When you called me that morning to talk, I said the harshest thing anyone could ever say and what I did was way over the top because you didn’t deserve such thing.

I was your first, you said I was the one who made you feel something no one else could make you feel. I guess I didn’t realise what it was that I was doing two years ago and five months ago.

I know that I shouldn’t even be asking for your forgiveness because I don’t deserve it one bit. But the reason as to why I’m saying that I’m sorry is because truthfully I am. I’m terribly sorry for what I did to you. I’m terribly sorry for what I have put you through and for what I made you feel inside.

I’m not asking to go back into your life because I’m sure you wouldn’t want that and I don’t think I could say that I will never hurt you again because I tend to over think things.

I really shouldn’t be telling you this because I don’t think that you would really care. But when I think about it, are you really that type to not care about an apology for something that was way past the line? You’re someone who is gentle and kind and you care for others. I don’t know what I’m trying to say by this point in thoughts but all I want is for you to know what I’m thinking.

I really am sorry for everything.