There are many ways to remember if something was real or not. There are many ways that doesn’t include tears and pain. If so, then why do I feel this hurt? Why must it be that the only way for me to believe that it was real is to feel the pain I had felt and to cry the tears I’ve cried?
Is it not hard enough to think back about the thoughts? Must I cry every time because it wasn’t something I wanted? Nothing ever goes according to what you plan so why do I plan things? This world is such a crazed and messed up world consisting of crazed and messed up people.
Ever since I could remember, I had always wanted to live with the family I was born into and be happy. I had always wanted them to be around and never leave my side. That was what I had planned, for my family to be together forever. My plan failed soon after.
Arguments within the family caused mayhem. I was only a child and I had no idea what was going on at the time. But little did I know there was a thought inside of me which knew exactly why the arguments were occurring. Now that I think about it, it makes me that child once again who had cried because I did not know what I was supposed to do and so the me now cries as well.
Soon after I tried to not plan anything because one, I was just a child and two, I hated plans. I hate myself in that sense because I too was unplanned. If I was planned then sure, maybe MY plans would work out. That’s clearly not the case.
What happened back then was history, tomorrow is indeed a mystery even though I plan to go out and then to the school. But what occurs in my path as I’m going to those places is indeed the mysterious part. Who knows, I might run into an old friend, or even into a bus. Today is the gift, that is why it is called the present.
I’m not too sure whether or not that’s a good thing. A gift. What’s so good about a gift if it doesn’t make you happy?
I don’t need gifts nor do I need surprises. The only thing I need is your love, your care, your existence and your smile. That’s the only thing I need to keep breathing and so if you’re happy then so am I.
I just don’t want that day to come where you would have to leave because I do not want to see anyone so close to me leave like that. If anything I would rather not know you then see you leave.
I’ve witnessed so many leaves in my life that I’ve come to a decision that I will be the one who will leave before I am left. It’s not easy to do as it is easy to say.
Sure many confusions and troubles have happened between the two of us but we can work it out like how it’s supposed to be. Its life, its reality, it’s not fair but you can’t let that pull you down.
As long as you’re willing to fix the problems then who’s to say you can’t go back?
Just remember one thing. For me, it’s the tears and pain that makes me believe all of these things had happened for a reason.
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